


I'll Sing my Last Song for You (Indefinite Hiatus)

by Flare_Scarlet



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blind Character, Child Abuse, Homophobia, Near Death Experiences, Neighbors, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-12-18 08:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18245813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flare_Scarlet/pseuds/Flare_Scarlet
Summary: So, I hope you all are liking the story so far. And I hope the chapters aren't too long/short to your liking if there are any comments about that feel free to express anything you want. Thank you for your comments in the past two chapters and I hope you will continue to support this story! Thank you~P.S: I will be flying tomorrow and I won't have anything to do on the plane so the next update might be faster than normal; it depends.





	1. Endless Darkness

It's not like seeing a blind person on the streets of Seoul is an unusual thing. Changkyun only side glances at the man who looks around his age for split second and then that's it. Changkyun thinks he's heard the voice before when the other apologizes to a person for bumping into them. The guy didn't wear any sunglasses like how every movie portrays blind people but somehow knew this person was not fully blind. Yet.

He walks out of the pharmacy with the pharmacist having a concerned look on her face from the sheer amount of painkillers and bandaids that Changkyun just bought. He walks into the apartment to see that his father isn't back yet and lets out a relieved sigh. He looks at his mirror above his nightstand and removes the bandaid on his right cheek. It looks like it's going to scar. He disinfects it and makes a small pained sound when the cotton comes in contact with the wound. By the time he's replaced all of the bandaids across his body, he sees the time and he should really leave. He quickly shoves everything into a small box and places it under his bed, _deep enough_.

He paces down the stairs and when he reaches near the road, he realizes he's left his cell phone. The lights from an expensive looking car flickers and the next thing he knows he's intensely pulling a person off the road and placing himself in front but not enough for the car to hit him. He immediately recognizes the other as they meet eyes or at least he sees their eyes. The other begins to realize what had just happened and begins to breathe short and fast still in the arms of Changkyun.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, you're fine," he says in a tone that doesn't sound so reassuring but that's all he can do. They stand like that for a second until the other has regained normal breathing pace. The other places his palm on his left cheek so softly and his gaze is so powerful yet empty.

"I-I'm s-sorry," he says not yet fully calmed down.

"Why are you sorry?"

"You could have gotten hurt." the other says so apologetically, even though he really has no reason to.

"I couldn't just leave you like that, plus I don't even remember most of what I just did," Changkyun says slightly giggling at the end.

"T-thank you, I don't know what would have happened to me if you weren't there,"

"I just happen to live here, that's all." Changkyun doesn't mention the part about him seeing the other earlier because he doesn't think it's important.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he continues. This part of the city is still near the central district but the apartment complex is squashed between majors road and you can't see it on the maps unless you zoomed in really hard.

"What do you mean? I live here," nudging towards their small apartment. It shouldn't even be considered an apartment. It's two floors with stairs on the left and only a total of 10 flats. Changkyun is quite shocked, he has never seen him around but then again Changkyun is rarely here.

He learns the other is 3 years older than him and that his name is Yoo Kihyun. Changkyun can only think that it's such a pretty name. Upon entering into Kihyuns apartment, it's rather plain. There are only minimum necessities that a human needs and everything just seems empty. Except for the one unusual thing that stands out in this dull room. It's a vintage style audio recorder with its own CD attached to it. The mic attached to it simply lays still on the table but somehow it looks magical.

"Oh, my recorder?" Kihyun says once he notices Changkyun hasn't spoken much since entering and the only answer can be that one odd item in the room.

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry," he says in a soft tone but Kihyun only giggles lightly. He taps his white cane until he taps his desk. He grabs the chair and sits on it and touches the recorder. 

"It's okay, I used to use it for song recording but now it's just something I keep when I feel like singing I guess." he smiles painfully. Somehow the light coming between his curtains falls so elegantly on Kihyun's face that he looks beautiful as of this moment. Something about this sight makes Changkyun feel something in his heart is makes it really hard for him to breathe, maybe its the fact that till now he's never known a blind person or has even thought of what it must be like to see nothing but darkness for the rest of your life. 

It remains like that for another minute until Kihyun gets up, "this got a bit dark" he scoffs. "Would you like something to drink? Although you might have to help me prepare it." he smiles, and he heads into his kitchen. The kitchen has equipment that only looks to be those which aid the blind. Kihyun grabs the boiler almost too quickly that for a second it made Changkyun think that he wasn't blind at all, but of course, that's not what it is. "If you don't mind me asking since when have you been blind?" 

"Oh, don't worry about asking me stuff like that," he lets out a light breathy smile and continues fiddling around in the kitchen. "I got into an accident around 3 years ago, I lost my parents and my sight then, although it's not completely gone, I can still see some aspects of light and I can see your figure but not clear enough." That's what made his gaze so powerful, he can still see but yet, he can't. Changkyun knows he shouldn't feel bad for the other but right now there is no other emotion in his heart that can replace this sadness. Once again, Kihyun places his palms on Changkyuns cheeks only this time its the other hand from that time and Changkyun lets out a painful hiss because the older fingertips brushed the bandaid. 

"Oh shit, sorry, are you okay? Did I accidentally-" "No, it's okay, it's not a big deal." Changkyun says in a reassuring tone which is only returned by a soft smile from the older. 

"A-actually, can I ask you something?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I think it's pretty clear I don't have any friends, I don't even own a phone, not that I can use it," he laughs lightly "And, my relatives doesn't want to deal with a handicapped person so they just pretend I'm dead like my parents," Kihyun says this lightly but if you can't see the pain then you can hear it. Changkyun only feels worse and would probably say yes to anything Kihyun was about to say. "I have some things I want to do before everything goes dark and I literally can't do anything anymore and I need someone to help me with most of them." Kihyun doesn't say anything after that almost as if he's waiting for Changkyun to give a reply like he's already asked the question. 

"You want me to be that someone?" Changkyun asks, and Kihyun only smiles lightly and nods. "You don't have to say-" 

"I'll help you." he says without even thinking twice about this. This is very unlike Changkyun who doesn't do anything out of impulse and takes time to decide everything. But something in his heart made him think this is what he needed to do, so he just let it be.


	2. Hold On

Kihyun woke up to nothing but darkness. He was sure that he opened his eyes but somehow even when he looked around he could see nothing. He began to panic as he moved toward where the light switch was without even grabbing his cane and hit it intensely. The lights flicker on and Kihyun can see his surroundings. His mini panic attack fades away as he heads towards his nightstand. He presses the switch and an automated voice announces the time. "5:14 AM, September 12, 2018". It's still dark outside and the only explanation to Kihyun's room being dark can be that there was a power cut and the circuit breaker must have dropped. He lies back on his bed and he begins to hum something. He himself doesn't realize what he's humming but he just continues as if its right there in front of him. 

He didn't expect Changkyun to agree to his request. He knows of younger more than the younger knew of him because he's heard him outside his apartment either getting the mail or humming to something. Of course, at that time, he didn't know the guy was Changkyun but at least he knew of his existence unlike the younger. Somehow his plan of asking the first person he talked to other than people who were forced to talk to him worked. He was really expecting the younger to come up with some excuse like "I have too much work" or "Sorry, I don't know you so well," but now he knows that the younger doesn't go to university and he has 2 jobs to feed himself.

In terms of that, Kihyun is a little luckier. He has privileges like disability fares and money he  _has_ to receive from his relatives to keep him going because he can't and shouldn't do things by himself. Despite having his bank updated each month with 350,000 won, his family never talks to him and most of that money remains in there anyways. Kihyun has no use of it and he only takes it out when he really needs it. His expenditure has decreased more ever since he stopped going to check-ups. 

Changkyun wakes up to the soft knocks against his metal door and sort of gets a mini heart attack before he realizes _that_ _man_  would never be that calm. He looks through the peephole to see Kihyun standing there and he had never felt calmer. He opens the door and Kihyun moves according to the sound of the rusted metal hinge that cranks open. 

"Changkyun?" the older asks in an unsure tone as he waits for the younger to respond. 

"Yeah, what's up?" the younger says and Kihyun lets out a small relieved breath. The younger is still in his clothes from yesterday and has a slight bed hair which now Changkyun is glad the older can't see it. 

"Can you take me grocery shopping?" the older says optimistically and Changkyun can hear the excitement in his tone. Changkyun lets the older enter his apartment as its rude to keep him waiting outside and it might be a little chilly. The warmth from the summer still lingers but it's clear it's ending and that the leaves will orange and eventually wither away. Kihyun settles himself on the small couch and doesn't say or do anything and Changkyun didn't realize this until he notices how quiet it is. 

"Hyung, why do you need to go shopping all of a sudden?" the younger asks popping his head out from his room whilst changing. 

 _Hyung_. He hasn't heard for quite some time, not since high school. Kihyun his follows where the voice came from and replies with a grin saying that his fridge was almost empty and he would end up starving himself. 

"Wait, that means you've been going alone till now right?" Changkyun says in a somewhat confused tone but to a blind person its only rude to assume that they can't function like the rest of the world. They're blind, not paralyzed. Of course, he got help from the staff when he used to accidentally grab hand cream instead of toothpaste or women's deodorant instead of men, but other than that he'd be able to walk around almost like he knows the store by heart. 

"Oh, shit sorry was that insensitive?" Changkyun says in a lowered and unconfident tone but Kihyun only smiles back shaking his head saying it's okay. Kihyun looks the most beautiful when he smiles and Changkyun can only wish he could see more of it. 

"So you need company?" Changkyun says as he walks on the right side of the pavement making sure Kihyun is at his safest region. Changkyun is carrying Kihyuns bag despite the older insisting so much, he finally allowed it after Changkyuns small threat of letting him go by himself. It's a cloudy day today but there doesn't seem to be any signs of rain. Kihyun is wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a beige cardigan that all look like they're from Uniqlo. 

Kihyun ends up buying quite a lot of food for one person but Changkyun soon realizes it must be kept for a long time because Kihyun only gets things that can be kept for at least a month. He buys a lot of ingredients Chankyun has never even heard of and then some random junk food that Changkyun had most definitely seen. Changkyun also catches Kihyun stalking up a bunch of tea that just went on sale and Kihyun only has a guilty look on his face. So he's a tea person, Changkyun thinks to himself but that image of him drinking tea while listening to music seems perfect. After checking out everything, Changkyun carries most of the heavy load like the milk and meat and Kihyun got mad at first but he came to appreciate the youngers kindness. 

As they were exiting the mall, they pass a phone shop and Changkyun sees a phone that had a "SPECIFICALLY FOR BLIND/VISUALLY IMPAIRED" phone and quickly stopped. Kihyun stopped from the sound of Changkyuns shoes making a squeaky noise on the tiled floor as he turned abruptly. 

"Hey, remember how you said you don't own a phone cause there's no point in it yeah?" Kihyun nods and he can see where this conversation was headed towards but just let the younger be. "I think you should at least have a phone, even if it isn't a smartphone because I don't know how to reach you other than coming to your flat directly," he says as he looks at the phone. It's an ordinary flip phone but inside it has different features that will definitely not trouble Kihyun.

After trying it out a couple of times, Kihyun ends up buying one which is a dark teal colour not that it matters to him anyway. He gets help from Changkyun for filling the forms to confirm he's really blind, as if seeing him wasn't enough and Changkyuns details as his 'guardian'. They laugh about it but really it kind of makes Changkyun a little sad on the inside that none of his relatives is willing to do it for him. He gets a sim from the same carrier as Changkyun. Changkyun downloads the app that comes with this phone and registers. The app allows him to keep track of Kihyun and Kihyun can immediately contact him by just closing the phone and tapping it twice. The phone ends up having crazy features like voice to text, item recognition, etc. It may seem normal but considering this isn't even a smartphone it's pretty impressive. 

Changkyun drops off the stuff at Kihyuns place and arranges everything into place, folds all of the plastic bags including his older ones into pouches and stores them away, and even ends up having some tea. By that its already 5 PM and he should really go. Luckily today was a day off from both of this works because of something related to elections. He grabs his coat and he pushes his chair back.

"Ah, wait- what time is it?" the older asks hurriedly and as Changkyun tells him the time, he goes silent for about 20 seconds before he opens his mouth again. 

"Stay for dinner."


	3. Home

Changkyun just scrolls through his phone as he tries not to stare at Kihyun in the kitchen looking so graceful. He leans on the wall facing the kitchen and the only thoughts he has is how natural Kihyun is at cooking. It almost reminds him of the blind Masterchef winner because just like her, he looks like his lack of sight does not hinder his art. Kihyun is in the kitchen calmly humming to something Changkyun can't exactly pinpoint where he's heard it but somehow this whole view is a scenery. 

The sun seems to be settling itself as the dark yet bright orange crystalises itself through Kihyun's curtains. The way the light enters the room like beams makes the older look like he's under a spotlight. A spotlight he was born to be in. To a certain degree, Changkyun understands why Kihyun stopped singing for the public as a whole. As much as there are artists out there who have fought cancers or in some cases even gone blind like the older, its only natural that his accident took a toll on his mental state harder than it could have. Kihyun notices how quiet the room is and decides even if it might not be the best time, that he breaks the odd air between them. 

"Kyun-ah, can you help me pick these and put it onto the plates," he says as he hands the chopstick towards the direction of which he thinks Changkyun is in. Changkyun is rather in awe by the older's use of the appellative because only his mother used to call him that.  _Used_ to. Changkyun takes the chopsticks and grabs the cooked fish from the frying pan, the room engulfed in the overwhelming smell of the food that has just been cooked by the older and the younger can only look forward to filling his stomach soon. He sets the plates down and fills the rice bowls with brown rice which Changkyun can only have a distant memory of it. A memory of him as a child, in a house full of warmth and love, not like their stone cold apartment. Kihyun is filling cups with water. Chankyun settles himself and sees how astonishing this sight looks that before Kihyun can even open his mouth to say something, Changkyun stops him. 

"What?" the older says in confusion and is only answered by Changkyun's "wait" followed by him running out of his apartment. He rushes to his apartment, unlocks it and takes out an item from a box under his bed and heads back. Kihyun is still confused but is not anymore when he hears the shutter sound of a camera. 

Changkyun is panting slightly and has now set the camera into video mode recording this scene. It's almost the perfect moment to capture this as the sun had just set and there is the lining that allows the city to still have light for just one more moment. "Sorry" the younger suddenly says, "I just thought this scene was beautiful." Kihyun doesn't really know what he's talking about, whether the scene is this whole room or its the sight of seeing Kihyun with food but it makes the older flush a little and Changkyun pretends he didn't see it. The lights flicker on by themselves, which kind of gets Changkyun to flinch but he soon realizes it must be an automatic system for the older. Changkyun finally turns off the camera and places it on the side of the table. "I hope the food didn't get cold," he says half-jokingly but also really hoping it didn't cause that would be such an unfortunate thing to eat cold food, food that Kihyun made.

Luckily, the rice is still warm and with each bite, Changkyun realizes how long it has been since he has eaten homemade food. Food that was cooked with love, food that was meant for him. It makes his heart ache a little and it's clear to Kihyun that the younger has tears falling from his eyes and he hears the slight sniffle that comes from the other. 

Without trying to come out as surprised, Kihyun calmly asks the younger what's wrong and the younger slides it off saying something got into his eye. But of course, it wasn't. Changkyun wipes off his tears and decides to deal with this later, especially because he doesn't want to let the older think that it's his fault that he's experiencing this sort of sadness and recollection. Kihyun only worries for the younger when he goes quiet and doesn't say anything. Kihyun, being the loving person he is, can only think of one thing that can make a person feel better, or at least it works on him. He gets up and goes around the table and takes the younger into an embrace from the back. The younger is taken aback from the sudden action but doesn't do anything and instead gives in. 

_How long has it been since he's been embraced like this, how long has it been since he felt this kind of warmth?_

Sadly for the younger, the older pulls away and sits back down on the other side. "I'm sorry if I did anything to you," the older says softly and Changkyun only wants to tell the older that he has done so much for the younger. He's missed this feeling so much, the feeling of warmth, having someone next to you and eating food that wasn't made by some random stranger in an apron and protective hats that cooks for more than a thousand people a day. Changkyun shakes his head unable to bring the words to thank the older but the older only waits for the younger to be comfortable enough to speak. 

Finally, after what seems like decades for the younger, the younger is finally able to piece his hazy thoughts together and look at the older. "Thank you... for this, you don't know how much this means to me." the older is surprised at the youngers statement and waits for an explanation but doesn't get any. Changkyun, noticing that the older looks kind of unsure about everything, he just grabs his chopsticks again, "I'll talk about to you soon, not now, not when the mood is already dark." Now the older looks okay, he sighs and also grabs his chopsticks and takes some vegetables. 

"Do you cook often?" the younger asks, although he already expects a yes because otherwise, his talents are wasted. "Yeah, used to more like." the older says, having a somewhat saddened look on his face, "I used to, even after I got blind, but after some point, I got tired of cooking for only myself so I stopped, I started to order take outs. That must explain why Kihyun bought so much this afternoon, it's not that he ran out of things, it was never there, to begin with. Changkyun doesn't really know what to say to this, whether he's flattered that his hyung cooked something for him or whether it was just sad that the older didn't want to do what he's good at anymore. Right as Changkyun is about to open his mouth again, it is interrupted by Kihyuns words of gratitude, towards the younger. 

"It's already clear that I haven't cooked for someone in a long time, so, Kyun-ah, thank you." He says with the most genuine smile. Even though Changkyun has only known him for two days, he can say with confidence that today, Kihyun's eyes are filled with something that was missing yesterday;  _life._ "Actually this is one of the first things I wanted to do, and now thanks to you I have done it," he says with a relieved tone. Although, the way he just said it makes it seem like this is the first and last time. Changkyun doesn't really know what to say except now that the older has expressed his position in this situation, it's only right that Changkyun tells the older a little bit of him. "I-" he starts, unsure where he will go with this. "I haven't had homemade food for a long time, not since I was a child." Changkyun doesn't really want to go into the details of what happened between his family, not that he doesn't want to tell the older, it's just that his heart can't take it right now. 

 

"Hyung, can you cook for me sometime again?" 

"Sure"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you all are liking the story so far. And I hope the chapters aren't too long/short to your liking if there are any comments about that feel free to express anything you want. Thank you for your comments in the past two chapters and I hope you will continue to support this story! Thank you~
> 
> P.S: I will be flying tomorrow and I won't have anything to do on the plane so the next update might be faster than normal; it depends.


	4. Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I know I told that I might post early or something but I had to do so many assessments and like I have a test today, a test tomorrow, a presentation the day after and then a lab report...yeah... it's annoying cause I'm still somewhat jetlagged and it's lowkey torture haha. Anyhow I will get back to track asap and thank you for following this story! (๑ ˊ͈ ᐞ ˋ͈ )ƅ̋

Changkyun hears knocks on his door almost as if they are light taps of rain droplets against the roof but for him, the only result of this is the thunder that follows. He wants to relax and wants to think that he's only panicking and that it's Kihyun who's outside but considering that they have their phones and its 3 AM in the morning, the older wouldn't disturb the younger. And if it were an emergency then the older would be in a much more panic state, unlike the empty hollow knocks that ring into Changkyuns ears. These knocks are slow, quiet and daunting. He jerks up from his bed making sure the area doesn't look messy and nothing is out of place. The most important being the medical kit, he looks under his bed to see that it's quite far back and  _he_ won't be able to see it unless he looks down like Changkyun is right now. There is a second knock and somehow it's the same: calm.

He slowly unlatches the lock, removes the chain like an owner unleashing their dog after a long tiring walk and it's time for them to sleep. Finally opening the door, Changkyun wishes it wasn't this early right now and he wishes it was yesterday where Kihyun stood in front of his door with a nervous look on his face and that the subtle afternoon sunlight with the soft autumn breeze is what his eyes could see right now. But, its 3 AM and the only light comes from the man's smartphone glowing onto his body with a duffle bag on his side. 

"Can I come in?" the man asks and Changkyun just lets him in. He's wearing clothes that Changkyun hasn't seen before and the older Chankyun gets, the more he's starting to look like him. Slowly Changkyun decides to open his mouth after his father settles in and sits. 

"We'll talk in the morning." his father says before he could even open his mouth. He allows his father to take the bed luckily passing out immediately after lying down. Changkyun stares at him for a little and then lies on the couch. It takes him quite a while to actually calm down before he can even think of sleeping. Somehow the sight of his father so calm and collected, looking normal with normal clothes makes him think for a second that he actually looks like a father. But of course, he's not. Changkyun would have to go back before he and his wife separated him.  
His father said that he would be able to take care of him. He would be able to make him grow up well and it would be okay without his mother. But then again, it's not like his mother wanted anything to do with that man's life which included the child that carried his blood. The child that resembled his father once so much but now, only has his blood and face. It's not from the inside, nothing that could make them look like they're related.

"Take him if you want to but don't blame me if he turns out like you," his mother says coldly with tears on her face that have already dried up and is now the fragments of their broken relationship. Changkyun stares at his parents, coldly staring at each other but not actually looking at each other. The feelings they once felt towards each other is gone and the only aspect of their love is the son they didn't even want.

"Changkyun-ah, forget your mom yeah? It's us against the world now," his father said to him as he ruffled his son's hair. When Changkyun entered middle school, his father went to his opening ceremony with him, took his DSLR and captured moments in Changkyuns life in which he actually felt like he could live without his mother. 

But that changed when he started high school. He began to notice subtle changes in his father, how he became a little distant, talked less at home, worked all the time and at that time Changkyun only thought it was because he needed to support his son and overly spending time with your teenage son that is going through puberty is not exactly the way. At the same time, Changkyun also began to change, he had his first girlfriend after 2 months of joining high school but after around 3 months of dating they cut it off because the girl did not feel "loved". Changkyun took genuine offence to that and decided to cut all of the negativity from her and just decided to move on. Soon he began to realize what she meant. 

He began to think less of the opposite gender and eventually stopped completely. Initially, he thought it was his mother's fault and that any female in his life seemed like a threat but the more he thought about it the more he just concluded that it was him thinking that he didn't need the opposite gender to satisfy him. He just completely let go of the whole idea of dating and began to focus on himself more. He started photography as a hobby and he drove it so much that it got to the point he began video editing. Just because he thought it would be interesting he even made some music which never really made it anywhere but it made him satisfied to see at least a small audience on his SoundCloud. That whole experience was a kind of small happiness to him and that was the time he never really thought about anyone at all. Not even his father, or his mother. 

Changkyun's phone lights up with a notification but the thing that catches his eye is the time, it couldn't be worse that he would be only having 2 hours of sleep before he will have to go to work at 6 in the morning. The notification, in the end, is just spam but luckily that distracted Changkyun from all the clouded thinking and decides to sleep. 

...

"Changkyun-ah, do you want to go eat lunch together?"

"Oh, you must be busy, if you want to you can come over for dinner tonight," 

Kihyun tries to call Changkyun again but it just goes into voice mail and Kihyun thinks for a second that the previous two voice mails are already too much but he's getting worried about the younger. But, considering it's only been a day, Kihyun considers that Changkyun must be busy so he just cuts the call off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will be longer because things will actually happen and once again im so sorry for lowkey scamming you guys, esp Jared who is the top follower of my story. Please stay with this story till the end and I hope you will like it. (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و


	5. I’ll always be on your side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello so I am done with hell week~ I still have an exam this week so I'll probably update after that. Sorry for the inconsistency~

The breeze has gotten colder and the yellow on the trees are more prominent now. The nights are starting to become longer and Kihyun only wishes it would end fast so he could go back to prolonged light time. He's taken out some of his winter clothes, although it may be too early right now, a scarf to cover his neck doesn't seem too inappropriate for the current weather. Kihyun now sits in a bus with the city lights following him but is too weak for him to realize it's even there. The bus stops to pick the people up and Kihyun only continues to listen to random music from his Spotify shuffle list. He begins to feel a little drowsy but tries to stay awake. He doesn't understand why he's tired today, maybe it was the extra walking he had to do in the morning because he missed his bus or the fact that he's been so worried about Changkyun. 

Changkyun will come around eventually. If he were really gone, he would have told Kihyun something...right? But then there's also the fact that they don't know each other that well and Changkyun has no obligations to stay by his side. For some reason Kihyun feels something in his heart...mostly pain. Just the thought that the younger is already tired of taking care of this blind person and would like to stay away as much as possible. He closes his eyes and just lets out a sigh. He tries to let go of the current thoughts that are clouding his mind but something tells him that nothing can help him right now. Except his attention is directed to the fact that left earphone was pulled out, gently of course and the only sound Kihyun can now hear the soothing voice from the other. 

"Hyung, don't sleep on the bus," he chuckles and Kihyun can only just stay there and look like an idiot who suddenly lost the ability to speak. 

"Kyun-ah..." the older says softly as the younger settles on the set beside him. Changkyun knows how long it's been since they last talked and he knows that he shouldn't have ignored his messages for this long but he literally never had the time to even check his phone. Even now his phone lays on his nightstand uncharged. Changkyun knows that Kihyun wants to ask something, most likely starting with the word why but just now Kihyun doesn't look energized enough to talk. He continues to let the bus travel, the city lights pass and let Changkyun stay there. At this point, Kihyun doesn't even realize that he's been wanting to contact him for so long now, something about this moment feels almost like the 2 weeks that passed by them seem like it never happened. They remain like that for a while, just appreciating each other's presence.

At some point, Changkyun notices that the older has dozed off because he continuously hits his head against the glass window of the bus. Changkyun smiles at this because Kihyun looks like a kid even though they're practically the same height and the other is older. Changkyun places his arm around the older's shoulder and his palm on the older's head to make sure he's not hitting his head anymore. He gets some weird gazes from the people on the bus but once they see that the older has a cane, they just let it slide. Changkyun kind of gets ticked off by the fact that they probably looked away only because they saw the older's cane. The bus continues moving and the number of people decreases as the night falls in. 

Changkyun stays awake the whole time as Kihyun sleeps supported by Changkyun's arms. At some point, they turn a curve to go into their district and the bus ends up spending more than it should have causing Kihyun's head to fall straight on to Changkyun's shoulders. He wants to move the older but then again he would feel bad if he woke up. Is what he is saying to himself because the only thoughts clogging his mind is how nice it feels to have the older close to him like this.

He can smell the shampoo from the older's hair. The smell of the sea, something Changkyun vaguely remembers but at this moment, he can't and not for the reason that is called long-term memory. Changkyun finally drifts away from the thoughts and focuses on the outside view of the city turning into just a simple outskirt area. For a moment he thinks about the time he saw Kihyun in the city and thinks about how they've (or at least he's) never seen each other before. Changkyun gets startled when Kihyun makes a noise followed by his arms wrapping around himself. He's cold. Changkyun doesn't really know what to do but he remembers his cardigan that's in his bag. He carefully takes it out without moving the older and wraps it around him. 

Although this moment felt so long, it was only about an hour of the bus ride, until they reach their station. Changkyun shakes the older up and they leave the bus as the last people to do so. Kihyun remains awfully quiet and Changkyun just assumes its that he's tired. When they reach the intersection to their apartment, Kihyun asks if they can take a detour and head to the convenient store to buy some things. And they do. Kihyun finds himself not knowing what to buy and just takes some toiletries on impulse, but Changkyun knows well enough that Kihyun has those things already at his place? Or did he actually run out? It's been 2 weeks, so maybe he's running out and he's just trying to be safe. That's when Changkyun begins to realize how long 2 weeks actually is. At first its just 14 days in which if you're busy you don't even realize that much time has passed. Which is actually what happened to the younger but he can only imagine how long these past 14 days were to the older. Kihyun is wearing Changkyun's cardigan and for whatever reason, it looks way better on him than it does on himself. 

They end up walking into a park. They simply walk with Kihyun being awfully quiet and something about the fact that he's not using his cane makes Changkyun feel something weird in his heart. He stands close by Kihyun to make sure nothing happens. And so nothing does happen. They head back to the apartment, with Changkyun dropping the older off and helping him place all of this groceries and then proceeding to just sitting. 

"What were you doing till now?" Kihyun asks all of a sudden. Once again, Changkyun is leaning against the wall and facing the kitchen as the older washes the dishes. 

"I had work," Of course he did, Kihyun knows that but he doesn't want that answer. Changkyun knows well enough that Kihyun wants to ask why he's been so out of touch but it's hard. 

"I'm sorry," the younger says in a lower voice. "I'm not asking for an apology, I just- actually its okay, I'm sure you had something to do," Kihyun says as he wipes his hands and walks out the kitchen past Changkyun. 

"It's late, I think you should go back," he says without looking at the younger. Now, Changkyun would have done exactly so, if he didn't see how hurt the older looked right now. Instead, he just wraps his arms around the older and places his face on his shoulders. 

"I won't leave you, don't worry. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I'm here. I'll always be here." Changkyun really knows what to say the situation because Kihyun feels something that is awfully similar to relief but it isn't. It's a feeling he can't really pinpoint but he knows he glad he is that the younger isn't sick of him, done with taking care of a blind person. It makes him forget all the times his family members tried to act nice about it but would say horrible things behind his back like "He should have just died with them" "It's so annoying to take care of a blind person" "he can't do anything". Now they just seem like white noise to him, because now, the only sound in his life is the heartbeat coming from the youngers chest against his back. 

Kihyun turns his body so that he's now facing the younger. The lights are brimming to make the youngers figure shown to the older but he still can't see his face. He doesn't know what the youngers face looks like. The only thing he knows is that his voice is very calming and that he has a really kind heart. That is enough for Kihyun, he doesn't need to see what is on the outside. He knows how people are to others when they are in front of them. How his family would always just say nice things to him but that was just all a facade. 

He's okay now. 

"Wanna go to the ocean?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this somewhat boring chapter, I'm really stuck with what to write, if any of you guys have suggestions, I'll try my best to consider it. Thank you~


	6. Because you can tell no one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, basically, I messed up my exam so :))) 
> 
> It's okay idrc but I have some free time now hence why I'm writing but I really don't know as of yet how my schedule will be, finals are near, I have some reports due and well basically this short-lived free time will be SHORT.

The sound of sand against shoes, the creeks of the seagulls and the calming breeze coming from the south with that salty taste that makes anyone feel nostalgic is what Changkyun feels as soon as he gets out of the bus. Kihyun is behind him and Changkyun grabs his hand so the older doesn't trip. Kihyun flinches when he feels the youngers hand on his wrist but the moment lives short as he lets go after Kihyun is safely on the ground. They both stretch excessively as they both let out a huge sigh and then laughing as they hear the other having the same feeling. They've been on the bus for around 2 hours and the fact that the cold air was gushing through the windows despite the heaters being on made them feel worse about the long journey. 

But now they're here and Changkyun hasn't been to the ocean since his middle school field trip. Kihyun also hasn't been to one since 3 years ago when he came here with his parents, that is before... 

Changkyun takes the older by his shoulders to guide him but also it's like he's somewhat side hugging the older. The feeling is nice but also warm in the way Kihyun doesn't like it because he doesn't remember what it feels like anymore. Changkyun takes him into a cafe and they both settle down outside where they have a view of the ocean. Or at least he does, but Kihyun doesn't seem to mind, he just simply closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath and takes in the ocean completely. He's missed this feeling, the way the sound of the ocean can make you feel as if everything will be okay. The sound of the seagull that can only be heard in places like this unlike the pigeons and sparrows that's everywhere in the city. This change is nice, this feeling makes his heart feel like he's back here with his parents again. He suddenly visions them, Kihyun walking with his cousin and his parents just staying as far away from the water. He remembers his cousin just- 

Kihyun is disturbed by the sound of Changkyun's camera clicking. He feels reminded about the first time he heard this sound and the fact that it hasn't even been that long since it first happened. Changkyun apologizes but Kihyun doesn't really mind. Changkyun takes his eye off the camera and takes a look at Kihyun from his eyes now. His brown hair compliments his fair skin and his face looks beautiful but his expression says something otherwise. At first, Changkyun thought that this sight of Kihyun looking towards the ocean was beautiful, it made him look so natural and the light breeze made his hair move in a way that looked like they were dancing to the song of the ocean. 

After ordering some food which Changkyun took the time to explain what each was, their drinks come in almost immediately. Kihyun begins to go into a deep thought mode forgetting that Changkyun was even talking to him. How did he forget his cousin till now, they haven't met since they parted here 3 years ago and she didn't even show up to his parents funeral? All he remembers is that she lives in Busan and that she runs a cafe by the seaside just like this one. 

"Hyung, are you even listening?" Kihyun catches himself and now he feels bad that he didn't even catch a single thing the younger was talking about. 

"I- 'm sorry," 

"No, no. You look somewhat stressed, is there something on your mind?" 

Why is he so observant about the older, why is that each time he wants to hear the younger say something to say it, he just does. It's the same feeling he 5 days ago when the younger hugged him. He wants to tell Changkyun about this but he just doesn't know how. He loses his thoughts again and when he realizes that he's taking way to long to answer the younger opens his mouth again. 

"You know, I'm here for a reason, you can tell me anything you want, I'm here to help you am I not?" 

That's true, Kihyun was the one who asked his help in the first place. It's also the fact that Kihyun was able to explain to him why he wanted to go to the ocean anyways. After that night, Changkyun looked up the most efficient ways to get there and he put so much effort into planning that it made Kihyun feel so lucky that he has someone like him. Changkyun never asked any more than "When" and that was the entire reason why Kihyun was able to open up to him in the first place. 

Kihyun came here with his parents and his cousin exactly 3 years ago around this time, exactly two weeks before the accident. Kihyun could never go back because he was too afraid but after hearing Changkyun's words, it made it feel like it was okay to go back there. It was okay to finally be able to let go of the guilt that he's been feeling for so long. Guilty that he's the only one who lived that too by paying a price, his sight. 

"Kyun-ah, remember how I told you about when I came here with my parents?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I forgot that I came with my cousin sister, it's like I forgot that she existed, and just now I suddenly remembered her and it's been 3 years and-" 

"Wait wait wait, hold on, stop. Breathe, you're talking too fast. Just take it slow, calmly." he places his hand on the older's. Kihyun's heart rate was already rising but now it's a completely different reason why. 

He takes another breath in and begins to talk about his cousin. 

They don't even realize that they spend a lot of time talking, well, mostly Kihyun talking and Changkyun listening because they didn't even notice the fact that the food had arrived. Luckily it isn't food that's meant to be eaten warm so in a way they're lucky because cold food is just unpleasant. 

They now walk on the shore with Kihyun's shoes off and Changkyun carrying them despite the older protesting. Changkyun walks with his shoes on just in case something were to happen. He feels annoyed at himself that he always thinks about the worst when he's around Kihyun and he knows he shouldn't be looking down on Kihyun just because he's blind but he feels that if he were to let go of this feeling he would make a mistake and he won't be able to forgive himself for that. Changkyun gets a small carpet and lays it flat on the ground, Kihyun takes out his iPod and commands it to play something. Changkyun looks at him as Kihyun takes in a deep breath. 

And he sings. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways, if you follow me on twitter I'll update you guys and well you can talk to me if you want hahahah I have no friends.... jkjk
> 
>    
> \-----> @FlareScarlet1


	7. I'll Hold Your Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this came out really late, I had a really bad week last week and I just didn't have the motivation to write, ;-; 
> 
> But it's okay I'm okay now and well its fucking MONSTA X debut anniversary so let's pump up this chapter. ❤️

Chankyun sits there mesmerized by the sheer sound that he can hear. It's almost perfect how the background sound of the ocean added with the soft breeze compliments the beauty that shines on Kihyun. It really makes him look like a god right now and Changkyun focuses his camera on him. He sets the lighting so that its entirely focused on him and sets the frames per second a little slower so the camera can grasp the view in a more cinematic way. 

 _These days, I can’t fall asleep_  
_I’m just tossing and turning every day_  
_Time just keeps ticking_  
_Everyone’s probably asleep, maybe_  
_I imagine, if our story was a book_  
_What would the ending be like?_  
_It’s 5:14 AM, when everyone else is asleep_  
_On that last page_

Kihyun has talked to Changkyun about how some nights Kihyun can feel light within his hands reach but cannot grab on to it. It almost seems foolish that Kihyun expressed like a light was something that he could grab on to but Changkyun knew he was talking about the light in his life. That hollow spot in his life named hope that vanished 3 years ago. After what seems like an eternity of beauty, Kihyun stops singing after the chorus and Changkyun sets his camera down and starts clapping lightly. 

"Your talent is no joke hyung," he says softly in awe and that gains a light swing from Kihyun that was clearly intended to hit the younger. They stay like that for a while and Changkyun goes through his phone. HIs notification bell goes off which catches Kihyun's attention. In a way, it might be a blessing in disguise that Kihyun can't see because right now Changkyun is glad the older can't see how much his expression changed. It's a text from his father but when the older asks what it was, the younger just says its spam. Kihyun believes him and lies down on the mattress. Changkyun is sitting crosslegged and goes through his camera. He finds it annoying how pretty the older is in every picture and looks like every stock photo to exist that promotes beaches. Changkyun offers the older to rest his head on the youngers legs because the beach was quite rocky and it looked uncomfortable. Kihyun places his head on the youngers thighs and simply closes his eyes. Changkyun continues to look through his camera and seeing all the videos he's taken. There isn't much but they're all pretty decent quality considering it's not that much of an expensive camera. Changkyun would take it on his phone but just the authenticity of using a camera makes the experience better. 

He thinks back to the first encounter he's had with the older on the streets and nonchalantly thinking that it was unusual to see a blind person without sunglasses. 

"Hyung?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Sure?" 

"Do you not like sunglasses or something?" 

"What?" the older scoffs, smiling. "Oh, you're asking why I don't wear." 

"Yeah..." 

"I would actually wear it cause it's better for my eyes but to me, it's more like, my world is gonna turn dark eventually, the shades will only make it feel like it's speeding up." 

Changkyun finds it comical how this hyung is trying to find deep meanings in trivial things but its also painful to think of someone blind. 

"Plus it's annoying to find sunglasses that would suit me because how would I know whether they do or not?" he giggles. 

They return before it turns dark but Changkyun makes it in time to take a couple of shots of the sun and the way it basked on Kihyuns skin. His brown hair ignited with the red flare from the sunlight. 

They take an uber this time as Changkyun was worried that the older was tired even though he protested. Kihyun gives one side of his earphones to Changkyun and he tells his iPod to play demo 14. Changkyun listens as he notices why it's a demo. Kihyun's voice is still raw and that nothing has been tweaked with the instrumentals. They continue to listen but at some point, Kihyun falls asleep and the younger softly takes the earphones off his ear lightly touching the older's face. Changkyun removes his jacket and rolls it up to mimic a pillow so the older doesn't end up having neck pain. 

Kihyun wakes up but is still unbalanced causing Changkyun to hold the older as they walk to his apartment. Changkyun takes the keys from Kihyun and they enter the apartment. Kihyun removes his jacket and hangs his cane near his shoe rack and goes into his bedroom. Changkyun goes to the kitchen to grab some water and the older comes back out wearing a turtle neck and Changkyun secretly thanks the weather for this. 

Changkyun takes the glass of warm water and gives it to the older. 

"Hyung, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it but who is this cousin you were talking about that time?" 

"Oh," Kihyun somehow forgot about it but also had it somewhere in the back of his head the whole time. Kihyun takes some time thinking about what to say. He words his sentences carefully making sure Changkyun doesn't think it's her fault that she didn't make to the funeral. That it's not her fault that she doesn't know about Kihyun. Luckily Changkyun understands well enough what Kihyun is trying to deliver and Changkyun can only listen as much as he can. Kihyun talks about how he knows where she lives and how he could just take a train and go see her but that he's too afraid to. Afraid to deal with all the talking and explaining, afraid to know what she would think about him and afraid to know that she might not accept him just like the rest of his family. But she is also quite different compared to the rest of their family. She moved away from their house when she got married to a person of the same gender. Her family was all opposed but by then she already had her life together anyway so it didn't matter to her. They now live in her wife's hometown Cheonan, a 3-hour train ride from Seoul. 

"Let's go see her then." 

"What?" 

Of all the things Kihyun expected Changkyun to say, this was not one of it and he doesn't know what to quite make out of what the younger has just told him. 

"You said you were afraid so you couldn't go right? But now you have me right?" he says in the most encouraging tone that Kihyun can ever expect someone to have and it almost shouldn't be said that Changkyun really said that without thinking much of it. Changkyun has always been like this, a good listener, a person who knows what to say when the other expects it the most and being there for another person because no one was there for him when he needed. it's almost like he built his own persona out of himself to comfort himself. It may sound something a desperate person would do but in reality, that is how Changkyun grew as a person. 

"Hyung?" 

Changkyun gets worried about the older after he sees a slight water drip down his cheek. Kihyun doesn't even realize he teared up because of that. It was so simple, yet... so powerful. Changkyun pulls down his sleeves to cover his palms and moves towards the older and wipes the one droplet from the older's cheeks. He's kneeling down in front of the older and facing upwards.

The next weekend, they head down to Cheonan taking the cheapest tickets possible meaning they left pretty early in the morning and by the time they get there, the morning fog has cleared up and the sun is shining but its purpose is almost redundant because the wind is blowing through every corner. They take a cab to the address Kihyun last got from his cousin when they last met at the beach and he knows they wouldn't have moved because they own a cafe. They arrive in front of the cafe building and Kihyun's heart rate only grows larger to the point he thinks the younger can hear it. Of course, the younger doesn't hear it but he can see how the older has gotten tense and simply just pats his back to remind him that he's here.

"Let's go," the younger says, walking forward but Kihyun stops him with his whole arm. 

"Wait, I don't think I can. You know what, we should just go back. This was a bad idea, it's okay, she doesn't need to see me." 

"Hyung," he says and grabs the older's hand by the palm. 

"Take a deep breath, I'm here." so he does. He's ready now. More ready than he has been in these past 3 years. Just the presence of the younger makes the older feel more secure. So they head up the building, 

still holding hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @FlareScarlet1
> 
> Happy 4 years Monsta X. To many more 😊


	8. Smile, Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the long wait! I have finished my exams and I am soon to leave for my summer vacation where I have to write a 4000-word essay but well for now I'm gonna procrastinate LOL

They step out of the elevator that led them to the third floor of this building that really didn't require an elevator but somehow had one for commercial purposes. Kihyun's arm is now linked into Changkyun's and his other hand is still holding on to his cane. Changkyun is holding on Kihyun's bag on his unoccupied arm and they settle themselves on a table that has a window facing the city. The cafe is rather simple, with hardly any fancy decor but instead has plants and pots making it look very organic. A waitress comes to greet them but before she can even ask what they would like to order, Kihyun asks her to bring the owner. The waitress questions it for a second but immediately goes back into the staff room.

Changkyun turns to the direction of the staff room when he hears a pair of heels heading their way. She is taller than an average Korean woman and her heels amplify that even more. She has long hair that extends to her lower back and her makeup is simple but her red lipstick stands out with her simple suit. She is indeed the epitome of what an ideal owner would look like in the minds of people who haven't met any and her presence is strong and bold.

But that confidence that she strode out of the staff room disappears as she sees Kihyun sitting at the table at which she was called for.

"Hyun-ah"

Kihyun responds to the voice of his cousin.

"Noona?"

Kihyun stands up almost immediately and sets his foot to the direction of where the voice came from. She takes him into her arms and they embrace in a hug which has clearly ended with slight tears and broken voices. As they separate from the hug, she takes a look at her cousin's face and cups his face with both of her hands. A couple of tears fall from her eyes as she is met with her now blind cousin. She had received a mail about the accident soon after it happened but she couldn't bring herself to face her cousin. Soon after, she got another mail saying that her cousin was now blind due to the crash and that made her even more scared to face it. She is now standing in front of her cousin whom she hasn't seen for 3 years. She takes him to another embrace and this time even Kihyun feels a tear coming out of his eyes. He has missed her, her voice, her presence, everything. Her departure from the family was so abrupt they did not even have time to talk about anything. That made Kihyun feel abandoned and worse when she didn't visit him or even come to the funeral. But her situation was different. She couldn't come back and suddenly be accepted by her family that was so opposed to her relationship in the first place. The traditional and simple-minded brains of her family caused them to tell things to their daughter that could not, in any way, be accepted morally. They went against her freedom of choosing her love and that simply did not matter because her partner is of the same gender. Word spread immediately amongst relatives and at that point, Kihyun could not forgive himself for not realizing it sooner and standing by his cousin. She would have done it for him if he were to ever...

She sits next to Kihyun and faces Changkyun. She extended her arm for a handshake.

"Hello, I'm Heo Solji. Nice to meet you."

"Uh- hi, I'm Im Changkyun, nice to meet you," he says shyly.

She gives out a warm smile and no wonder Kihyun thinks so highly of her.

"Are you his caretaker or-"

"Noona, what are you saying?" he smiles. "He's my friend,"

"Oh- sorry I just assumed!" she laughs off and any awkward air between them is broken.

They begin catching up with mostly the cousins talking and Changkyun simply listening. His doubts are cleared when she confirms to him that she is indeed married to another woman and it takes a second of nervousness from Solji but Changkyun immediately responses he is comfortable with any sexuality because it's their own choice. Kihyun along with Solji get slightly taken aback by Changkyun's acceptance towards this community. He notices their subtle shocked faces and he contemplates for a second before opening his mouth but at this point, he doesn't have anything to lose so he says it anyway.

"I'm gay too that's why," he says casually

Oh

Now Kihyun is really shocked, almost not believing what he had heard and for a second, Changkyun regrets saying it because he thinks Kihyun might take his actions in the wrong way but the older is showing an extremely happy face meaning that he doesn't really care. Solji simply looks at the younger and gives him another one of her signature warm smiles.

"Welcome to the family"

Wait, what?

Changkyun wants to question what she meant by that sentence but he doesn't want to pry anymore because in the end he is simply a stranger to the both of them and they do not have any reason to answer his questions. So he keeps his mouth shut.

About an hour later, another female wearing similar clothes with Solji walks out of the staff room like she's looking for someone. She spots Solji and walks towards her.

"You've been gone for an hour what are you- oh," she notices Kihyun. It's not unnatural that she wouldn't know about her wife's cousin. She smiles to Changkyun and introduces herself as Ahn Hyojin. This cafe is something she and Solji started up after leaving Seoul. It seems that it wasn't difficult since Hyojin was from this area, to begin with, and settling with her wife was easier than most couples would have gone through. Contrast to Solji's family, Hyojin's family had accepted her as a lesbian since she was in high school. Hyojin doesn't stay in the conversation long since she wants her wife to have time with her cousin. They continue talking for the next few hours and even goes for lunch around the corner for some simple Japanese food. Solji ends up paying despite the two boys protesting but she says that she can't do much anyway so the least she can do is this.

They end up taking one of the last trains to Seoul. They reach close to midnight back to their apartment and Changkyun goes to Kihyun's apartment. They set their bags down and Changkyun goes to grab a glass for water for both of them.

Kihyun yawns while trying to control it and Changkyun slightly giggles at that sight. Needless to say, its uncanny in a way how Kihyun's eyes look like they have the ability to see but in the end, for him all he has is darkness and his four other senses. There isn't any damage to his eyes but rather a small scar on his skull that tells a different story. His nerves, damaged from the inside but really, it doesn't matter, his world is dark.

Changkyun passes Kihyun the glass of water and sits across him on the table.

"Are you hungry?" the younger asks and the older simply replies by shaking his head.

"You know..." the older starts. "I kind of saw noona's face today when we hugged. I think it was cause she was so close but her hair was long yeah?" Changkyun has this weird hope that maybe, just maybe, his sight isn't as bad. But then again, Kihyun could have easily felt the length of her hair when they hugged. "Her hair was a really light brown the last time but now it's dark and straight" Kihyun couldn't have guessed that or felt that unless he has some weird sixth sense for hair colours. "It was brief but I saw her eyes and her tears and that's when I began crying a bit. I don't want to burden her anymore but I'm glad we talked,"

Kihyun places his arm on the table and looks for Changkyuns hands. He grabs the back of the younger's hands but the younger turns his hand to lock it with the older.   
"Thank you Kyun-ah"

And Changkyun couldn't be more fond of his nickname.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm depicting Solji from I Love You era just cause black hair seems more normal but still BLOND SOLJI 😭
> 
> Twitter~ @FlareScarlet1


	9. Alone in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I don't know whether you guys will take time to read this but I'm really sorry for taking this long to update since before it was pretty consistent. I was supposed to update weekly but since I travelled, I ended up getting sick and then my dogs gave birth, which was hard because she gave to 11 puppies of which most of them died. They kept dying each day and I had to take care of them that I really had no time to work so again, I'm really sorry. 
> 
> OC introduced in the character, relevant only for this chapter.

Changkyun joined the film club in his second year of high school after continuing his hobby throughout his freshman year. The club was fairly small, consisting of the president, vice and 5 members including himself. They presented their first work to the whole school in the second term of that year and the feedback they received was so good that the principal ended up requesting them to make a promotional video for their school. It took some time and money but the outcome was phenomenal. Changkyun became close friends with his club mates and in particular his same-aged friend Kyungmin. It became a problem for Changkyun because he began to think of him more than a friend and not soon after he realized his feelings for the other, he distanced himself. Until the other confronted him and Changkyun had a "fuck it" moment and decided to just say it. He was sure that he messed up his life at that point because he knew he backlashes that would come from being gay in that school. His school had a history of segregating people that were not 'normal' and people's sexualities was definitely one of them. During his freshman year, there was a senior who decided to come out and ended up transferring out due to bullying and abuse. 

He wasn't sure why he made such a decision at the moment because he knew what would happen to him but considering the fact that his father stopped coming back home many of the times and his desire to start fresh somewhere else just like any other teenager in this world caused him to just be honest with himself. It was one early March afternoon where the coldness of the winter still lingered but the freshness of spring gushed through the air. They were in the film club room with no one else inside. Upon saying his confession, Changkyun immediately followed by saying he didn't care if the other told the entire school because at that point he wouldn't mind something new to happen in his life. 

Except something new did happen in his life, as Changkyun grabbed his bag and headed out. As he walked through the corridors, he thought about how he just screwed up his life over a simple crush but was cut from his thoughts when he felt the body of another human embrace his. 

Changkyun lost his mother when he was 9 years old, and at 17, he lost his father. 

In spite of the fact that his father was rarely home for the first two years of his high school life, in his senior year, his father again made a drastic change to his personality and began spending time with his son more. At first, Changkyun thought it was the fact that he couldn't have taken care of himself from all the stress that a senior carries but it became clear that Changkyun's father lost his job and was frantically looking for another one whilst trying to remain calm in front of his son. But that didn't mean that they were broke. Due to legal policies, his mother still had to send money and that kept the father and son stable for the whole year. In a way, this led him to get closer to his father and his father took care of him through his busy and difficult times of being a student. They even talked about how with Changkyun's grades, he could easily get a scholarship into a university that wasn't that far off from one of those prestigious Korean universities. 

Until all that collapsed. He thought and believed that his father would accept him for who he was just as Kyungmin did. It was them against the world, right? Apparently not. At 17, he told his father and at 17, he lost his father. it might have been that his father just carried the stress throughout his whole life and the trigger was the fact that his son was someone who turned out different from what he wanted. And that's when the addiction to alcohol surfaced. His father started using the money that was meant to fund his school life to waste away in a bar and the money that was coming from his mother stopped when he legally became an adult. By then it was clear Changkyun wasn't going to be going to university because his grades severely dropped after his father began verbally abusing him and stopped taking care of him. That verbal abuse eventually became physical abuse which caused multiple bruises and cuts on Changkyun's face. Kyungmin also broke it off after realising that he made a mistake getting together with someone who's family was so unstable and "could not deal with it". Changkyun's world changed 180 in the span of a month. He managed to get by his remaining time as a senior and graduated with adequate grades. He knew that Kyungmin got accepted to Seoul National University and that only caused more bitter feelings. With Changkyun working 3 jobs with 2 hours of sleep, they managed to keep the apartment that they're currently staying at. Changkyun's father disappeared from the radar for a while. 

After meeting Kihyun, his father never came back and Changkyun always dreaded the day he came back until he did. His father suddenly looked so calm and collected almost like he swapped places with another person from another universe and left the original, abusive father there. After coming back, he began cleaning the apartment when Changkyun wasn't home and even started making meals. Changkyun obviously felt stressed most of the time because he never knew when his father would suddenly go into an outburst again so he never said anything. 

Which leads to now. As he faces the older and wraps up his story, he looks away only to hear sniffles from the older. The older has already cried enough for a day and Changkyun can only feel bad for telling this story today. But Kihyun shakes his head and tells him that he's glad that he was able to tell him this story despite it being so tough. Kihyun then goes to apologize for always having Changkyun around but now its Changkyun is the one reassuring him that he's the one who chose to be by his side. Kihyun slowly wipes his tears and Changkyun gets up from his chair to hug the older. 

As they part, Kihyun has a blurry yet somewhat clear image of Changkyun. The younger stares at the older and surprisingly it feels like the older is doing the same, but at that point, the only thing he was looking at was the youngers lips. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience~ 
> 
> Twitter~ @FlareScarlet1


	10. Everything Disappears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon Cameo!
> 
> Note that the names mentioned in this chapter are merely fictional and made up by me.

Changkyun is woken up to the sound of the door knocking. He knows its not his father this time because his father is fast asleep in the bathroom, meaning that the only person that could be behind that door is his hyung. So he sleepily drags his legs and opens the door to find a Kihyun in an all-black suit and tie, with his cane with his left hand. 

"Kyun-ah, good morning~. Get dressed" 

"Hyung, why are you here so early?" he lazily replies "And to where?" 

"To-" Before Kihyun can fully respond he is interrupted by Changkyun's father coming to the door and asking what it is. 

"Who is it?" 

"Ah, father, it's my friend." 

"Your friend?" 

Kihyun immediately bows slightly and introduces himself as Yoo Kihyun. Kihyun gives a smile and Changkyun looks back at his father who is now wearing a slightly stressed look on his face. 

"D-did.. you say Yoo?" 

"Yes, uncle-" Kihyun is once again cut off when Changkyun asks his father what's the matter and Kihyun is only more confused at this awkward encounter. 

"Ah, nothing, what is it that you need from my son?" 

"I came to take him to visit my parent's graves.." Changkyun's father swallows his saliva so intensely that the other two might have heard it if it weren't for the fact that the kettle was boiling in the kitchen. 

"So..." he pauses for an awfully long time. "You're taking  _him_ with you?" He says it in such a way that makes Kihyun sort of want to back off and go by himself but its hard to carry all of the things by himself (as he knows from experience) so he stands his ground and asks if it's a problem. Changkyun's father doesn't say anything other than to stay safe and that Changkyun can borrow his suit. 

Changkyun is also somewhat questioning his father's behaviour towards Kihyun but considering he  _knows_ , at this point every friend seems like  _that_ to him. They take a bus to the cemetery and buys some flowers on the way to replace the ones that have probably been blown away since the last time Kihyun went. They walk up the stairs towards his parents grave with Changkyun holding his right arm and holding the flowers on his other. 

"Is your father always that scary?" Kihyun asks doubtfully like he's not quite sure if he'll get a response from the younger but the younger just says that he's always like that and he shouldn't bother getting freaked out by him. 

Kihyun suddenly stops when he senses that he's arrived and when Changkyun checked the names he sees the row of names starting with Yoo and he's guessing this row is for his whole family. For a moment, Changkyun realises that he probably doesn't even have a place to bury himself or anyone from his family since they don't have the money to afford a spot. 

Kihyun walks to the left and asks Changkyun to read the names out loud so that Kihyun doesn't have to touch each one of them to know which one is his parent's like he has done in the past. His parent's graves are side by side, having the names Yoo Sang Hoon and Yoo Kyung Ah engraved on to them. Changkyun does most of the work such as replacing the water inside and inserting the flowers in the vases and lighting the incense. Kihyun slowly lowers his body and begins talking. He talks about Changkyun the most and rarely touches the subject about anyone else. He slightly mentions Solji and her wife and how they travelled all the way to meet them. But again, it's mostly about Changkyun. He stands there looking over towards how fondly the older talks about the younger and that's when he begins to realise how his hyung only has him and he only has his hyung. Yeah, he has Solji but they're geographically too far away to consider and Changkyun  _does_ have his father but he's only just there. Only physically. 

They leave slightly after the older finishes talking and they stop by at a small fast-food chain to grab some lunch.  

Kihyun's phone beeps and it announces the time and his schedule. 

"2:30 pm, 30 minutes to the appointment with Doctor Chae"  

"Ah, Kyun-ah, I have to go to the hospital. You can go back first, I'll come by again later." He slowly stands up. 

"Hyung, what do you mean? Of course, I'll go with you." 

"Wait, but don't you have work?" 

Changkyun thinks for a solid 5 seconds before he just says he'll call in sick. When Kihyun protests, he says it's okay since he's allowed to do so. Kihyun doesn't really know what that means but he knows that he's a little happy on the inside that the younger didn't hesitate.  

"Oh, Mr Yoo, you brought a friend today~," Kihyun's doctor says as he sees Changkyun walk in after Kihyun. 

"Yeah, he's my friend, Changkyun." The doctor smiles and introduces himself as Chae Hyungwon, Kihyun's doctor since the accident and also someone Kihyun used to talk to a lot so a semi-psychiatrist and optometrist. Changkyun sits on another chair as the older does his check-up. Dr Chae asks him questions and does things that Changkyun doesn't really understand. What shocks him is when Kihyun says that his eyesight is feeling a little better these days and Dr.Chae asks him what he's been doing these days and he tells about their trip to the ocean and also meeting his cousin and he replies saying that since Kihyun wasn't staying in his room as much as he used to before and actually goes out, that could be acting as a therapy for the eyes. He looks at Changkyun and says "That must be thanks to you then" and laughs a little but Changkyun doesn't know what to reply so he just smiles contently. 

"Dr Chae seems like a really nice guy," Changkyun says as they walk through the halls of the hospital. 

"Yeah, he's the only doctor I can trust," they older replies. As they continue to walk, Changkyun notices a pile of forms, when he realises what they are, he immediately picks one up smoothly and reacting to the noise, Kihyun asks what the younger just picked up. He lies and says it's just a charity flyer. 

"Ohh, look at our Kyun-ah being a kind soul~" and giggles and Changkyun also giggles back because Kihyun said it in such a way that made it comical. He folds the form and puts it in his back pocket and then grabs the older's arms and walks out of the hospital. 

Changkyun arrives back to his house after eating dinner at the older's place and his father asks about the visit to the grave and if he did anything else. Changkyun keeps the conversation short and just mentions the hospital. His father begins to ask questions about Kihyun like he hasn't done this before with every other friend of Changkyun. But the weird part is when he asks who they went to visit and when Changkyun replies that it was Kihyun's parents, his father stops asking the questions and goes silent. Changkyun just thinks that the end of this repetitive interrogation. 

"Changkyun, you need to stop seeing your friend." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like this update, it took a while but here it is! Also, Changkyun's "Through the Night" cover omg, I died
> 
> P.S: My puppy is doing really well, she's really healthy and runs around a lot ;-; 
> 
> Twitter~ @FlareScarlet1


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